2/27/18
Wait, Its Been Five Years?
Wow...just wow!
How can it be?!
My last blog was about taking a risk, I was waiting to hear back about a part-time job. I got that part-job, and have been there five years already! cRaZy! Obviously not a faithful blogger! My Family, cleaning houses, the new job and my wedding business have filled up all that precious time which is a good thing!
Two of my five children got married...my cup is full of love! My middle child moved south and now our home is a bit quieter with only two at home still. "A blink of an eye"...I believe it!
I am challenged to think hard about the last five years, and answer my own question, "am I a better person then I was a year ago, or how about five years ago?"
Stay tuned!
3/1/13
Life is Risky Business~
I'm not a Bob Marley fan, nor could I tell you one song he sings; he is a musician, right? Anyway a friend posted the following quote of his on Facebook this morning and it really resonates with me as I wait to hear back about a potential job.
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." Bob Marley
Matthew 25:14-30
"For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money... (no risk) you should get out your bible and read the rest of that one!!! Not a good turn out for that guy.
Ecclesiastes 11: 4 - 6
He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.
1 Timothy 6: 9-10
But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the LOVE OF MONEY is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.
2/20/13
Oh the quandaries of a 48 year old woman!
I NEED a project on a budget!!!
I'm in the middle of raising the last two of my five awesome kids...it's a good time for me to do a little something for hubby and I, right? When Momma's happy everyone is happy! Isn't that how that saying goes? ;p
Since I have been feeling very depressed these days my husband said I need to "get off Facebook and Pinterest," and "find a project" that I want to do for myself. He may be sorry he said that...because I'm going to take on our bedroom as my "project."
First I need to set up my budget, some rules and boundries.
My Budget:
I'm going try to keep it under $100. We don't need furniture, just a make over. I have a $50.00 gift card that I found tucked away, and I will commit to only $50.00 cash, which I will attain hopefully when my friend sells some homeschool books for me on eBay.
The Rules:
It can't be too feminine, it needs to be something that fits the two of us...since it is "our" room.
Boundaries:
I need to remember that family comes first, however, when I have served them, and they are taken care of, it's ok for me to be busy about my project. I don't need to come to every "mom call."
I will give my self till the end of April to complete this project, which is a realistic time frame.
BEFORE PICTURES:
I'm in the middle of raising the last two of my five awesome kids...it's a good time for me to do a little something for hubby and I, right? When Momma's happy everyone is happy! Isn't that how that saying goes? ;p
Since I have been feeling very depressed these days my husband said I need to "get off Facebook and Pinterest," and "find a project" that I want to do for myself. He may be sorry he said that...because I'm going to take on our bedroom as my "project."
...we've lived here nine years and haven't done a darn thing to it! Over time our kids have given us money and Lowes gift cards to get us started...but we've often used the money and cards on groceries and home repairs. Sound familiar?
First I need to set up my budget, some rules and boundries.
My Budget:
I'm going try to keep it under $100. We don't need furniture, just a make over. I have a $50.00 gift card that I found tucked away, and I will commit to only $50.00 cash, which I will attain hopefully when my friend sells some homeschool books for me on eBay.
The Rules:
It can't be too feminine, it needs to be something that fits the two of us...since it is "our" room.
Boundaries:
I need to remember that family comes first, however, when I have served them, and they are taken care of, it's ok for me to be busy about my project. I don't need to come to every "mom call."
I will give my self till the end of April to complete this project, which is a realistic time frame.
BEFORE PICTURES:
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| There are not many options for where to place our bed, since the room is not all that big. This is where the bed was put 9 years ago and it hasn't ever been moved. I'd like to angle it between the two windows for something different. Hubby is not real keen on the idea, but I think I'm gonna give it a try. I need to be sure he can see the tv for watching the news at night. I personally could live without, but whatever! |
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| Our room is the "catch all" room, honestly, why is that? I remember my mom saying the same thing. Hmmm...maybe that's just a hereditary thing, who knows. ;) I should have de-cluttered before taking the picture, but I thought hey then the "After" pictures will look great, since I'm working with a budget anyway! |
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| Another angle of our room, showing the door to our master bathroom. The bathroom is not a big room and I didn't take pictures of that since I'm not doing anything to it now; we did do a little makeover about five years ago, so I'll work with the theme (beach) that is in there, as far as colors go and then include it in the over all "After" pictures in the end. My challenge will be to tie together our love for family, the beach, and the country side of things, like barns, fields, etc... |
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| This angle is of the entrance to our room. The door to the left of the entrance is my closet, which is actually quite annoying since it goes down another three feet to the left of the door and is so hard for me to get some of my cloths in and out. Ultimately I'd like to make that door opening wider and put in a slider or bifold door, but if you look you'll see the return register at the bottom and then the Heat/AC controls, which is a bit complicated to move, and may not fit the budget. So now you can see what I have to work with. I'm debating whether to paint the doors and trim? I sort of like them the dark cherry wood, believe it or not. We shall see. |
2/19/13
Trash to Treasures~
I am a shop-a-holic when it comes to Goodwill, Salvation Army and any other junk or second hand shop I can find! I inherited my trained eye from my dad; he was an auctioner and sold antiques back in the day. He still loves to find a gem and sell it on eBay. I can't seem to part with much of my finds just yet, so I put them to good use. No sense of having them if you don't use them, right? I can't tell you how many dramas/plays, fundraiser dinners and weddings where I've used my treasures as props and decorations! I've been collecting since I was a young teen. It's my stress reliever once or twice a month I run into my favorite shop, do a once over scan, then if I have time I walk around again and dig a little deeper! Nothing like finding a hidden green Forstoria sugar bowl for .97 cents!~
I try to budget myself to $5.00- $10.00 per visit and love when I come out spending less, which I do most times!
The following is a collection of things I've accumulated over the years, that recently I used in a "vintage" styled wedding. I'll post the inventory first and then pictures of the wedding.
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| The Theme was Vintage, the colors were pale pinks, creams and lots of gold! |
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| I'm a junkie when it comes to white wares! |
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| Gotta love that gaudy candelabra! |
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| I love tea cups! |
Now look at what I did with most of the above!
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| I used octagon mirrors on every table in order to really make all the extra candles sparkle! Most of the frames from my inventory above were used for the table numbers and here is one of those very cool metal candle sticks with a lantern globe as all candles needed to be contained. I loved this!! |
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| I spray painted a bunch of large pinecones which a friend gathered for me on her vacation, and it was just enough to accent the beautiful white pitcher and with gold ting ting's coming out of the hydrangea and pink sweetheart roses. |
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| This was a very cool "present" box that I found just a few days before the wedding and was so excited to use it! The small candle sticks behind it held votive holders meant for candle sticks, again everything needed to be contained. I found those at the Goodwill for .47 cents each! |
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| This sweet little sled and these cute little cherubim were last minute finds too. This is probably my favorite table that day. They didn't want it to be a Christmas Theme as much as a Winter Vintage. They LOVED it!! |
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| Here is another one of those pitchers with white hypericum berries, spray roses, babies breath, and some ivory sweet heart roses. We used a lot of votives and all different kinds mostly with ivory candles, however I ran out and needed to use some pale pink I had left over from another wedding. |
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| This was a pretty little sugar bowl I had and it was the perfect match for that beautiful Cymbidium Orchid! |
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| Here is that tacky candelabra! Love it! The brides bouquet sat in front of it, but I left after I decorated the reception site, so I missed getting a shot of that. I didn't want to add flowers around that, as her bouquet was (if I do say so myself) stunning! Simplicity is a beautiful thing! |
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| Here is another metal candle stick that I picked up at the Salvation Army, it was a green color and I sprayed it a rose gold, again added a lantern globe and some really pretty gold and glittery fruit candle ring...it was perfect! I also used a sweet little limoge tea cup and saucer with some babies breath, spray roses and small little gold Christmas balls. |
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| This wire present box was making the mother of the bride a little nervous, she could not envision what I was telling her and was afraid it was going to look silly. I mean it was only $1.97 at the Goodwill and it needed a coat of gold paint, but when all was said and done, she said this was one of her favorite tables. |
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| Close up of those sweet cherubs! |
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| I did manage to grab a shot with the grooms dress blues cover! Sweet! |
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| My large white pitcher became the perfect vase for a "wrong color" dark pink Stock flower arrangement which sat on the gift table in the foyer. Sometimes Plan B is so fun! |
2/18/13
Patience
Found the start of this blog in my draft today, dated 10/1/12....interesting. Not sure what I was going to write, however, it was only days after that we took in a homeless young man, who still lives with us.
Interesting that I was prompted to write something about patience...I sure do need it today. 2/18/13
Interesting that I was prompted to write something about patience...I sure do need it today. 2/18/13
Stuck between "me of little faith" and "reality"...I'm my own worst enemy.
WARNING: The following is just my ugly flesh speaking.
I'm not one to give up...but sometimes I do wander over there.
While I totally understand that the economy is not good, I get so frustrated with the way my husbands job is so affected by it, and even more so due to the unorganized ways of his boss. I don't feel he spends enough time getting onto all the estimates, in turn losses jobs, because there are so many out there under bidding just to get the job. Which of course causes a whole other mess, because then his boss will often get the calls to come "fix" all the unprofessional work. And while that sounds good in one way, the hellish reality is that most times they don't want to pay that much the second time around, and sometime they just don't pay. But, since they need the work, they take the chance. I truly hate the whole stupid cycle. It's been six years now since my husband has been in the construction business, after being let go from almost 25 years in the auto industry and management. He made too much money there and was let go because the over all department wasn't making their projected (conveniently unrealistic) goals. My husband loves his construction job, and while I love that for him...I don't feel it's been the best for our family. He tells me that's "my opinion." ...apparently that doesn't count?
Funny, he is not the one struggling to not be too vain and mad about having to crazy glue two different caps onto my teeth, because I can't afford to have them fixed when the only options are dentures or implants. I'm trying to stick it out as long as I can but when he tells me, "I worry too much about what other people think" I keep reminding him that its "what I think about me that 'worries' me...and I was kinda hoping that he cared about that.
I'm physically and mentally tired. We have some really hard decisions in front of us, and I just want to cry. Yes... I know God is in control, and I truly believe that. I really have been so blessed...on so many levels.
But lately, things have been so tight that we've had to borrow money, to make ends meet, which is the first time we've ever done that in 28 years of marraige. So yeah, the way things are looking I need to get a full time job, and honestly, it's the last thing I want to do... at least while I still have kids at home. I consider being a mom the most important job I have already, especially in times like this. Next to that I love my current "seasonal" Wedding Coordinator/Florist job and enjoy using my skill sets, and talents helping others save and have a beautiful wedding, however, without becoming a workaholic and investing some advertising money, that I don't have, I take them as they come and all word of mouth, which I'm very proud of, but they don't fill the calendar. Which does not help when my husband is out of work. ...another one of those vicious cycles.
If I have to work in addition to all that I already do, I am looking for a job that allows me to get home before my kids from school, but I'm either under or over qualified...really? How does one become overqualified for the types of jobs I'm looking for? Shouldn't you be happy to have someone willing to work?
I am currently looking for jobs that fit some early skill sets that I enjoyed as a young adult, secretarial, office type work, which was before I was a mom and before I stopped being afraid to step out and use the talents I was born to use. Anyway, I've been volunteering at my church's office the last four months to sort of get some of those skills practiced again, just in case I need to do what is starting to look like the inevitable.
Ugh...life stinks right now, yet it really doesn't and I believe with all my heart that its all under God's control! I just need to stop focusing up close and look at the bigger picture, right? Sounds good.
We are never promised a rose Garden, and as much as I'm not feeling like I just want to give up....I'll admit, I do wander over there sometimes.
So all in all this rant is that I am fighting the need to get a full time job which will take me away from my small business, and keep me away from home and my kids more than I care to be. They are growing up so fast, I don't want to miss one minute!
FYI...my husband is not insisting that I get a full time job, although he is certainly not against the idea either. I'm just having a hard time sitting here waiting for a "better job" to just drop from the sky, and just deal with all the frustrations of him not working. He tells me "I have little FAITH." ...perhaps I do, but I'm stuck between "me of little faith" and "reality." And something tells me the Lord doesn't want me stuck there.
Ugly huh? I know, right? ...apparently I need to muster up more faith.
Pray with me, please!
Lord, please help me...I am sure I'm my own worst enemy. I love my family, and I love the way you structured family to work, I love being a woman, a wife, a mother. I want so badly to continue doing what you have called me to do under all three of those titles. Forgive me Lord that my faith is apparently smaller than a mustard seed. Help me to love my husband and to trust him...keep me from the worrying that he will be so foolish and allow the enemy to get a foothold and destroy us.
Take my life and make it yours, Lord. Don't let me get in your way. amen
Read this today on Got Questions.org
Following Jesus is easy when life runs smoothly; our true commitment to Him is revealed during trials. Jesus assured us that trials will come to His followers (John 16:33). Discipleship demands sacrifice, and Jesus never hid that cost.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
If you stumbled upon my ranting and have a thought about where I'm stuck...feel free to give me your opinion.
I'm not one to give up...but sometimes I do wander over there.
While I totally understand that the economy is not good, I get so frustrated with the way my husbands job is so affected by it, and even more so due to the unorganized ways of his boss. I don't feel he spends enough time getting onto all the estimates, in turn losses jobs, because there are so many out there under bidding just to get the job. Which of course causes a whole other mess, because then his boss will often get the calls to come "fix" all the unprofessional work. And while that sounds good in one way, the hellish reality is that most times they don't want to pay that much the second time around, and sometime they just don't pay. But, since they need the work, they take the chance. I truly hate the whole stupid cycle. It's been six years now since my husband has been in the construction business, after being let go from almost 25 years in the auto industry and management. He made too much money there and was let go because the over all department wasn't making their projected (conveniently unrealistic) goals. My husband loves his construction job, and while I love that for him...I don't feel it's been the best for our family. He tells me that's "my opinion." ...apparently that doesn't count?
Funny, he is not the one struggling to not be too vain and mad about having to crazy glue two different caps onto my teeth, because I can't afford to have them fixed when the only options are dentures or implants. I'm trying to stick it out as long as I can but when he tells me, "I worry too much about what other people think" I keep reminding him that its "what I think about me that 'worries' me...and I was kinda hoping that he cared about that.
I'm physically and mentally tired. We have some really hard decisions in front of us, and I just want to cry. Yes... I know God is in control, and I truly believe that. I really have been so blessed...on so many levels.
But lately, things have been so tight that we've had to borrow money, to make ends meet, which is the first time we've ever done that in 28 years of marraige. So yeah, the way things are looking I need to get a full time job, and honestly, it's the last thing I want to do... at least while I still have kids at home. I consider being a mom the most important job I have already, especially in times like this. Next to that I love my current "seasonal" Wedding Coordinator/Florist job and enjoy using my skill sets, and talents helping others save and have a beautiful wedding, however, without becoming a workaholic and investing some advertising money, that I don't have, I take them as they come and all word of mouth, which I'm very proud of, but they don't fill the calendar. Which does not help when my husband is out of work. ...another one of those vicious cycles.
If I have to work in addition to all that I already do, I am looking for a job that allows me to get home before my kids from school, but I'm either under or over qualified...really? How does one become overqualified for the types of jobs I'm looking for? Shouldn't you be happy to have someone willing to work?
I am currently looking for jobs that fit some early skill sets that I enjoyed as a young adult, secretarial, office type work, which was before I was a mom and before I stopped being afraid to step out and use the talents I was born to use. Anyway, I've been volunteering at my church's office the last four months to sort of get some of those skills practiced again, just in case I need to do what is starting to look like the inevitable.
Ugh...life stinks right now, yet it really doesn't and I believe with all my heart that its all under God's control! I just need to stop focusing up close and look at the bigger picture, right? Sounds good.
We are never promised a rose Garden, and as much as I'm not feeling like I just want to give up....I'll admit, I do wander over there sometimes.
So all in all this rant is that I am fighting the need to get a full time job which will take me away from my small business, and keep me away from home and my kids more than I care to be. They are growing up so fast, I don't want to miss one minute!
FYI...my husband is not insisting that I get a full time job, although he is certainly not against the idea either. I'm just having a hard time sitting here waiting for a "better job" to just drop from the sky, and just deal with all the frustrations of him not working. He tells me "I have little FAITH." ...perhaps I do, but I'm stuck between "me of little faith" and "reality." And something tells me the Lord doesn't want me stuck there.
Ugly huh? I know, right? ...apparently I need to muster up more faith.
Pray with me, please!
Lord, please help me...I am sure I'm my own worst enemy. I love my family, and I love the way you structured family to work, I love being a woman, a wife, a mother. I want so badly to continue doing what you have called me to do under all three of those titles. Forgive me Lord that my faith is apparently smaller than a mustard seed. Help me to love my husband and to trust him...keep me from the worrying that he will be so foolish and allow the enemy to get a foothold and destroy us.
Take my life and make it yours, Lord. Don't let me get in your way. amen
Read this today on Got Questions.org
Following Jesus is easy when life runs smoothly; our true commitment to Him is revealed during trials. Jesus assured us that trials will come to His followers (John 16:33). Discipleship demands sacrifice, and Jesus never hid that cost.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
If you stumbled upon my ranting and have a thought about where I'm stuck...feel free to give me your opinion.
2/11/13
2013, really?
Well, since I last blogged I did several Fall weddings, a fundraiser and a beautiful wedding the week after Christmas!
November Wedding
More pictures to come...life got busy again!
I Love October Weddings!
November Wedding
The above was an eyesore the bride as that was where the altar would be for the ceremony, so I had the challenge of making it beautiful. I had a ton of ivory chiffon and went to town using only rubber bands and then topped everything off with a beautiful gold leaf swag and frosted fruit. It was the week before Thanksgiving so it fit beautifully, and I was very "thankful!"
9/13/12
Take Two!
Two weddings this weekend. One local and one an hour and a half away! One stargazer lily, the other red roses! Blessed by both these families in different ways. I am praying the Lord will bless them through me this weekend!
This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine~
Early morning revelations...as I laid in bed contemplating the thought of "sleeping in," even though it was 7:15 am and by all intents and purposes, I had already "slept in" considering that 6 am, is the new norm. So, instead of sleeping I leaned over grabbed the laptop, checked e-mails, surfed Facebook...and just laid thinking. Did I do the right thing?
Thoughts about children who go to public school, and those that go to christian schools, those who charter school, and homeschoolers, plagued my mind. Was there a "right" way of doing it? I don't think so, but... I thought about how we ourselves have traveled each one of these roads at one time or another, over the last 20 years, or add in our own school experiences, there is much to learn from it all. For our children, each path has served a purpose. I truly believe, there is nothing really wrong with any of these! God will use whatever our choices are, we cannot alter the Lord's plan for our lives. He is faithful to complete a good work in each of us. There is no doubt he has a reason for allowing each of our choices...who knows how he will use each experience! I believe that!
My mind then traveled into the future, thinking of how my girls (Lord willing) will live longer than any of us...who will they marry? Will they marry? Will he be a Godly man? Will he lead his family in a God fearing way? What will life be like, 10-15-20 years from now? What will they need to know? What will they experience? What will they have to deal with? Even Jesus had to come and experience and deal with the earth before he died for it!
My mind was spinning, and it seemed like millions of questions raced through my mind...and I don't have any of the answers. But I believe with all my heart that God does. The God of this universe, the Alpha the Omega, the one who created all that is, and is to come. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost, the creator of me, my husband, our children our friends my enemies all things. The one who loved us so much that he sent his only begotten son to this earth to experience all the pain, and trials that we go through, in order to stand up against it for us, and then be sentenced to a brutal death...for us, to die for us, to pay the price that we could never pay...to suffer...for no other reason but because he LOVES us.
This God knows me better that I do...he knows my children better than they know themselves, or me. He is an all knowing God...a good God. Who am I not to trust him.
Then I got to thinking about the many arguments against public schooling...how there is allowed no prayer, no scripture reading, etc..etc... and how many christians thought the best way to deal with that was to pull out, and send their kids to a christian school, or charter school or better yet, homeschool. Did we inadvertently, help the evil one, by blowing/pulling out our own lights. I mean, just because we couldn't pray or read scripture...didn't mean we couldn't still love and live out the scriptures! I then started thinking of what it would have been like if we said, ok, no problem...you can take away prayer and scripture reading, but we still have a light to shine and we are going to shine it like Christ did?
What if ...we stayed, what if we loved, what if we shined bright in spite of the things they were taking away? What would our country look like today?
I never homeschooled because public school was a "bad" place. And, I did not contemplate putting my kids in christian school because it was the "good" place. The Lord made it very clear 14 years ago, that home was the best place. I truly was not "homeschool" material. But God used me, he uses the very least of these, for His purposes. I trusted that conviction and ran with it....I have no regrets. And I cannot say that I won't be back, however, the Lord will be the one to make that call...no one else. So, for such a time as this, the Lord has once again, made it clear, that we are to be a light to shine here in our school district. The girls and I talk through this almost everyday after school. It's not easy, but it's not that hard either, with Gods help...to God be the glory for the great things HE is doing through us.
As for me and my house? We're going to shine!
I never homeschooled because public school was a "bad" place. And, I did not contemplate putting my kids in christian school because it was the "good" place. The Lord made it very clear 14 years ago, that home was the best place. I truly was not "homeschool" material. But God used me, he uses the very least of these, for His purposes. I trusted that conviction and ran with it....I have no regrets. And I cannot say that I won't be back, however, the Lord will be the one to make that call...no one else. So, for such a time as this, the Lord has once again, made it clear, that we are to be a light to shine here in our school district. The girls and I talk through this almost everyday after school. It's not easy, but it's not that hard either, with Gods help...to God be the glory for the great things HE is doing through us.
As for me and my house? We're going to shine!
8/30/12
My little lady bug
Stress is an interesting thing, and how it seems to affect everyone differently. Some eat, or don't eat, some sleep or don't sleep, some slow down, some speed up, some are quiet, some are loud, some can deal and others, well, not so much. We've run the whole gamut of emotions here in our home with five kids over the last 23 years, it has been quite the journey. It sometimes takes years to figure out your own pattern of stress and how to deal with it, let alone try to figure out the others who live under the same room. Just when I think I have it all figured out, I'm totally blown away. Girls are different from the boys, boys are different from the girls, and they are all so different from each other. It's actually a bit draining.
My fourth child whom I call my little lady bug, is having a difficult time with this public school thing. She is such a smart girl, and very talented in many ways. She loves clothing, and "fashion"(at least the kind we can afford, which is GW and SA) and adores the whole accessorizing concept! I often need to remind her that not everyone thinks that way or even cares, since she is always giving her "opinion" about someones outfit, when out and about. She has an eye for that but as crazy as it sounds she is also a nerd, she loves to read and write. Algebra...ugh, she wishes she could get by without it, and HATES that she cannot. She does not mind Science, History, or any other subject really, just Algebra! How does one help someone who hates Algebra, when they dislike, ok, hate it as well. Perhaps I am the reason she hates it, not sure. She got off the bus yesterday and was just a mess till she got through the kitchen doors, all she could say is I HATE ALGEBRA! I tried hard not to give her the "honey, it's a necessary evil" line, and I wasn't quite sure it was healthy to say, "there, there now" either. I just listened, and didn't say much. It was actually very painful...and nothing that cookies and milk could fix. She worked through it, got a snack, changed, and went out to do the animal chores, but I knew she was still struggling. I wish I could make this better, but I'm thinking this is one of those "they have to work it out themselves" kinda things.
I am looking forward to this four day weekend, and even though she is scheduled to work, I am hoping she can get the much needed rest from her stress, that she needs. I am also hoping to see that great smile of hers again.
Parenting....it's tough stuff!
My fourth child whom I call my little lady bug, is having a difficult time with this public school thing. She is such a smart girl, and very talented in many ways. She loves clothing, and "fashion"(at least the kind we can afford, which is GW and SA) and adores the whole accessorizing concept! I often need to remind her that not everyone thinks that way or even cares, since she is always giving her "opinion" about someones outfit, when out and about. She has an eye for that but as crazy as it sounds she is also a nerd, she loves to read and write. Algebra...ugh, she wishes she could get by without it, and HATES that she cannot. She does not mind Science, History, or any other subject really, just Algebra! How does one help someone who hates Algebra, when they dislike, ok, hate it as well. Perhaps I am the reason she hates it, not sure. She got off the bus yesterday and was just a mess till she got through the kitchen doors, all she could say is I HATE ALGEBRA! I tried hard not to give her the "honey, it's a necessary evil" line, and I wasn't quite sure it was healthy to say, "there, there now" either. I just listened, and didn't say much. It was actually very painful...and nothing that cookies and milk could fix. She worked through it, got a snack, changed, and went out to do the animal chores, but I knew she was still struggling. I wish I could make this better, but I'm thinking this is one of those "they have to work it out themselves" kinda things.
I am looking forward to this four day weekend, and even though she is scheduled to work, I am hoping she can get the much needed rest from her stress, that she needs. I am also hoping to see that great smile of hers again.
Parenting....it's tough stuff!
8/29/12
Cookies and Milk~
Yesterday was a tad better. Lockers seem to be a real issue for both girls, the long hall ways and the sea of faces are a bit more stressful for my oldest. Praying today is a little better.
I am cherishing the time we have to pray in the morning, before they leave, as well as the debriefing time around our kitchen table everyday after school. Cookies and milk were made for this sort of thing. Its obvious that they are a bit stressed, but I know they have what it takes to persevere.
~Lord, I am begging for you to wrap your arms around them in such a way, that they are not afraid, and that the stress would subside and that they can relax and enjoy this journey. Thank you for your protection thus far, and Lord I pray that you will use them in a mighty way for your glory! Amen.
Here on the home front, I'm slowly feeling relief from the pressure in my chest, and my blood pressure seems to be coming down a hair, but hopefully as time goes on that will continue to drop. I'm feeling a bit guilty, but trying to release that too. I miss the girls a lot today, and the house is a bit too quiet. We shall see how this all pans out.
I am cherishing the time we have to pray in the morning, before they leave, as well as the debriefing time around our kitchen table everyday after school. Cookies and milk were made for this sort of thing. Its obvious that they are a bit stressed, but I know they have what it takes to persevere.
~Lord, I am begging for you to wrap your arms around them in such a way, that they are not afraid, and that the stress would subside and that they can relax and enjoy this journey. Thank you for your protection thus far, and Lord I pray that you will use them in a mighty way for your glory! Amen.
Here on the home front, I'm slowly feeling relief from the pressure in my chest, and my blood pressure seems to be coming down a hair, but hopefully as time goes on that will continue to drop. I'm feeling a bit guilty, but trying to release that too. I miss the girls a lot today, and the house is a bit too quiet. We shall see how this all pans out.
8/28/12
Change is hard!
8/21/12
Panic Attack
Woke up in the middle of the night with my heart racing....thinking of my Natalie and being in public school. I'm a bit more apprehensive about her. I was actually having SVT's over it, and had to consciously bear down to make them go away. I was fine after about 2 minutes, but it was scary. I laid there for the next several hours mulling over my decision, and asking the Lord to help me. I drifted off to sleep and slept well. When I woke I dealt with several e-mails regarding homeschooling, where I needed to let them know we were no longer going to be in the program, and that my girls would be heading to public school. I thank the Lord for the positive responses I received, for right now I could not bare to hear someone give me a hard time about it. Lord, one minute at a time...they are all yours. Do glorious things in Natalie's and Rebecca's life, Lord...so that you may be honored and glorified.
8/20/12
Change of plans~
I have Peace! And, it's going to be ok! I have struggled with homeschooling the last couple of years, its been very draining, especially since I do not get help from dad, due to his very busy schedule. I work three different part time jobs, one of which is a business that I've been building over the last six years, all while trying to keep up with five kids, the house and all the animals. It doesn't matter if they are home or away, as there is always paper work, insurance stuff, and multiple issues that they need help with, most of which I just guide them with, but it still takes time and energy.
A few years ago, after some marital counceling, it was suggested that we put the kids in school. Hubby was all for it, but I was not ready for that...and fought it all the way. It was hard for me to believe that something the Lord so clearly called me to do, would be coming to an end. God may have started the process back then, but I thank him for being patient with me and giving me more time to build a firm foundation in them. My convictions were still very strong. I did not feel it was time, so I pushed on, tired, and getting more and more burnt out; feeling like "this is only for a season," or "they will be all grown up before I know it"..."so, I must carry on."
Well, this summer I heard myself say, "I'm just so tired" I can't do it anymore. I also started to feel like I didn't want to get out of bed, I always did, but I always struggled. I know they're not good signs, and since I am not a quitter, they were making me mad, mad at myself. Then I started asking God to give me a sign, ANY sign. I remember back in July, I was at a stop sign, and I asked God for an answer, like, a Yes or a No sign. I saw a 'No Parking' sign and thought, "Ok, it's no", then I saw the word Yes, later on the computer, and I was like, "Lord, help me, for I am weak, I don't know what to do!" I'm tired! Help me! Please! Then, I prayed with the lady who I aid for on Wednesday nights, and she suggested that I continue homeschooling, she even prayed a beautiful prayer for me to have peace about all the things I was worried about. I had a hard time with that, and she knew it, and she suggested that I let go of that battle, rest in his peace that I now have an answer. But, I didn't. I knew it wasn't my real answer. Yet, I still could not admit that I was done, not even at least for the school year. I continued to struggle and cry, and stare, and think and then stare some more. I would come up with all the typical scenarios that any "right minded homeschool mother" would come up with. I day dreamed about my girls being at the school and all the thoughts of "what if" a shooter came in, and what if they got hurt? I daydreamed about how they will probably become rude, ignorant, want to dress like sleaze buckets, wear make up, and hate me. I was torchering myself, because then I would daydream about not getting out of bed or just shopping all day, and not really schooling, if they stayed home. They were all just day dreams here or there, and I knew I was drained. I didn't want to be responsible for their curriculum and what they still needed to learn. Most of all I sure didn't want anyone knowing what I was struggling with...so I kept pressing on.
I just needed to get myself together, do what was right, and homeschool! But I started hating life. That is not me. I was put on blood pressure medication this summer, and they're having a hard time regulating it, it's still not right. I deal with tiredness, and fatigue. I don't feel I'm depressed, but I guess one might feel I am, by all that I've just shared.
Two weeks ago, some dear friends of ours stopped over, their daughter had just got married and they had some items to return to me, so they were going to drop off and go, however, it happened to be my birthday dinner night, and we were getting ready to sit down to eat, I invited them to stay. We were having corn from our garden and a London broil, and it smelled too good to pass up.
After dinner, my husband needed to run some supplies to a job, he took the guy friend along with him and the wife stayed to help with dishes. We had a nice chat and I truly enjoyed her company. When the men got back we ended up sitting at the kitchen table talking about everything from jobs to kids to homeschooling. We knew they had homeschooled a long time and ended up sending some of their kids to public school. We asked them all sorts of questions. We wanted to know what made them decide. Did they have any regrets? They had five kids and a busy life style too. What was their final turning point? I wanted to know. In the end, they gave their opinion, a bit of advise, but through out the whole evening they were mostly supportive of either decision we would make. We ended up taking some time to pray right there, at the table, holding hands, it was precious time and tears flowed from my eyes, as the Lord brought to mind a picture of this sweet couple fourteen years ago, sitting at our kitchen in our other house, praying with us about the very idea of homeschooling. It was a sweet memory. When we were done, I shared the memory with them. The husband didn't remember but the wife did.
We were only 34, and our two oldest had been in school four years, from Pre-K to third grade. We had just moved into the Harrisburg area from the Philly area and had been going to HF church for four years. There were several homeschool families who attended the church, and I remember how I watched them and observed what was going on with the dynamics of homeschooling, this couple was one of those families. They had been over one night for my husband to teach their oldest son to change the oil in their car. The wife came along. I had a third grader, 1st grader and toddler. She and I sat for some time talking about homeschooling, and what it was like. I knew I wanted that for my family. Not because I was a brain, and could teach my kids better than the school could, but because I wanted those family dynamics, which was something I did not have growing up. Jeff was not sure it was a good idea, but was willing to pray about it with this couple that night.
I do not hold any animosity towards my folks for the extremely dysfunctional lifestyle we led, as I totally believe God has used it in a mighty way to make me into who I am today, and part of that is a homeschool mom. I HAVE NO REGRETS and would do it ALL over again.
Anyway, like I was saying, the Lord gave me that vision/memory while we were praying this time, and I was totally in awe of him and how he had used this couple to guide us to the decision of homeschooling, and now here we were struggling with possibly ending that chapter. They just happened to be here and the timing could not be more perfect for I only had two weeks to make up my mind. It was all too crazy! I certainly didn't take that as an answer that night, rather as a comfort, that God was there with me in this decision, like he was back then.
I had started asking God to make things clear, to give me clear vision, and most of all to take away any guilt that I might have, and to convict me if I should continue to homeschool this year. Ironically that Sunday of my birthday dinner, I had gone to church by myself, and our pastor preached a sermon that made me think...and think hard. Then the following week, after our meeting with our friends, I prayed all the way into church that the Lord would "kick me in my pants today," I needed to know...I needed to know today! My girls just wanted to know either way. That was fair, and I need to do that. Well, he did. We had a different pastor preach that day, and it could not have been more clear for me. I was being driven by fear...fear of failure, failure to be a good mom, a good homeschooling mom, and fear of what others would say, what any"good homeschooling..all their kids, kind of homeschooling moms," would say. What would the public school say, you know they look at it like you are giving them your mistake. Then there is the, what will non-homeschoolers say, what will they think? What will our parents say, will one set say, "oh no!" and the other "I told you so", or worse yet, "I didn't think you could go the whole way?" All these things still bother me, but I am trying hard to let them go!
I honestly have such a peace about sending the girls. I know that God wants me to be right where I am. I am looking forward to this chapter in my life. I am going to take it one year at a time, but I am preparing myself for a whole new world too. I am looking forward to some time for myself. I am looking forward to going to a woman's bible study, or even going out to lunch with a friend on a weekday! I am looking forward to painting and cleaning, and throwing things away...I am looking forward to a whole new change of plans. I am trusting God through it!
Thank you, Lord!
A few years ago, after some marital counceling, it was suggested that we put the kids in school. Hubby was all for it, but I was not ready for that...and fought it all the way. It was hard for me to believe that something the Lord so clearly called me to do, would be coming to an end. God may have started the process back then, but I thank him for being patient with me and giving me more time to build a firm foundation in them. My convictions were still very strong. I did not feel it was time, so I pushed on, tired, and getting more and more burnt out; feeling like "this is only for a season," or "they will be all grown up before I know it"..."so, I must carry on."
Well, this summer I heard myself say, "I'm just so tired" I can't do it anymore. I also started to feel like I didn't want to get out of bed, I always did, but I always struggled. I know they're not good signs, and since I am not a quitter, they were making me mad, mad at myself. Then I started asking God to give me a sign, ANY sign. I remember back in July, I was at a stop sign, and I asked God for an answer, like, a Yes or a No sign. I saw a 'No Parking' sign and thought, "Ok, it's no", then I saw the word Yes, later on the computer, and I was like, "Lord, help me, for I am weak, I don't know what to do!" I'm tired! Help me! Please! Then, I prayed with the lady who I aid for on Wednesday nights, and she suggested that I continue homeschooling, she even prayed a beautiful prayer for me to have peace about all the things I was worried about. I had a hard time with that, and she knew it, and she suggested that I let go of that battle, rest in his peace that I now have an answer. But, I didn't. I knew it wasn't my real answer. Yet, I still could not admit that I was done, not even at least for the school year. I continued to struggle and cry, and stare, and think and then stare some more. I would come up with all the typical scenarios that any "right minded homeschool mother" would come up with. I day dreamed about my girls being at the school and all the thoughts of "what if" a shooter came in, and what if they got hurt? I daydreamed about how they will probably become rude, ignorant, want to dress like sleaze buckets, wear make up, and hate me. I was torchering myself, because then I would daydream about not getting out of bed or just shopping all day, and not really schooling, if they stayed home. They were all just day dreams here or there, and I knew I was drained. I didn't want to be responsible for their curriculum and what they still needed to learn. Most of all I sure didn't want anyone knowing what I was struggling with...so I kept pressing on.
I just needed to get myself together, do what was right, and homeschool! But I started hating life. That is not me. I was put on blood pressure medication this summer, and they're having a hard time regulating it, it's still not right. I deal with tiredness, and fatigue. I don't feel I'm depressed, but I guess one might feel I am, by all that I've just shared.
Two weeks ago, some dear friends of ours stopped over, their daughter had just got married and they had some items to return to me, so they were going to drop off and go, however, it happened to be my birthday dinner night, and we were getting ready to sit down to eat, I invited them to stay. We were having corn from our garden and a London broil, and it smelled too good to pass up.
After dinner, my husband needed to run some supplies to a job, he took the guy friend along with him and the wife stayed to help with dishes. We had a nice chat and I truly enjoyed her company. When the men got back we ended up sitting at the kitchen table talking about everything from jobs to kids to homeschooling. We knew they had homeschooled a long time and ended up sending some of their kids to public school. We asked them all sorts of questions. We wanted to know what made them decide. Did they have any regrets? They had five kids and a busy life style too. What was their final turning point? I wanted to know. In the end, they gave their opinion, a bit of advise, but through out the whole evening they were mostly supportive of either decision we would make. We ended up taking some time to pray right there, at the table, holding hands, it was precious time and tears flowed from my eyes, as the Lord brought to mind a picture of this sweet couple fourteen years ago, sitting at our kitchen in our other house, praying with us about the very idea of homeschooling. It was a sweet memory. When we were done, I shared the memory with them. The husband didn't remember but the wife did.
We were only 34, and our two oldest had been in school four years, from Pre-K to third grade. We had just moved into the Harrisburg area from the Philly area and had been going to HF church for four years. There were several homeschool families who attended the church, and I remember how I watched them and observed what was going on with the dynamics of homeschooling, this couple was one of those families. They had been over one night for my husband to teach their oldest son to change the oil in their car. The wife came along. I had a third grader, 1st grader and toddler. She and I sat for some time talking about homeschooling, and what it was like. I knew I wanted that for my family. Not because I was a brain, and could teach my kids better than the school could, but because I wanted those family dynamics, which was something I did not have growing up. Jeff was not sure it was a good idea, but was willing to pray about it with this couple that night.
I do not hold any animosity towards my folks for the extremely dysfunctional lifestyle we led, as I totally believe God has used it in a mighty way to make me into who I am today, and part of that is a homeschool mom. I HAVE NO REGRETS and would do it ALL over again.
Anyway, like I was saying, the Lord gave me that vision/memory while we were praying this time, and I was totally in awe of him and how he had used this couple to guide us to the decision of homeschooling, and now here we were struggling with possibly ending that chapter. They just happened to be here and the timing could not be more perfect for I only had two weeks to make up my mind. It was all too crazy! I certainly didn't take that as an answer that night, rather as a comfort, that God was there with me in this decision, like he was back then.
I had started asking God to make things clear, to give me clear vision, and most of all to take away any guilt that I might have, and to convict me if I should continue to homeschool this year. Ironically that Sunday of my birthday dinner, I had gone to church by myself, and our pastor preached a sermon that made me think...and think hard. Then the following week, after our meeting with our friends, I prayed all the way into church that the Lord would "kick me in my pants today," I needed to know...I needed to know today! My girls just wanted to know either way. That was fair, and I need to do that. Well, he did. We had a different pastor preach that day, and it could not have been more clear for me. I was being driven by fear...fear of failure, failure to be a good mom, a good homeschooling mom, and fear of what others would say, what any"good homeschooling..all their kids, kind of homeschooling moms," would say. What would the public school say, you know they look at it like you are giving them your mistake. Then there is the, what will non-homeschoolers say, what will they think? What will our parents say, will one set say, "oh no!" and the other "I told you so", or worse yet, "I didn't think you could go the whole way?" All these things still bother me, but I am trying hard to let them go!
I honestly have such a peace about sending the girls. I know that God wants me to be right where I am. I am looking forward to this chapter in my life. I am going to take it one year at a time, but I am preparing myself for a whole new world too. I am looking forward to some time for myself. I am looking forward to going to a woman's bible study, or even going out to lunch with a friend on a weekday! I am looking forward to painting and cleaning, and throwing things away...I am looking forward to a whole new change of plans. I am trusting God through it!
Thank you, Lord!
8/17/12
The nest continues to get lighter~
Well, it was a full summer, everyone home, and everyone busy! It's hard to believe we are half way through August. My oldest left to go back to college to finish her last semester! So proud of her, as she will have a bachelors in Health Promotions in December! I am praying the Lord will bless her with a good job! She is such a great girl! Her trip back found her a disgusting bathroom left by her roommates, but she persevered and with a lot of bleach and magic erasers she managed to get out of the bathroom after two hours of cleaning. Can I just say that chores paid off? Very proud of her and her ability to bite her tongue.
My second oldest is about to embark on his first "college campus" experience, even though he is living off campus, it will be the first he was away for college. He went to local community college his first year, then joined the marines, I'm very proud of him and his accomplishments, now he is leaving to attend Penn Tech in Williamsport for Civil engineering! He is all set, bed, desk, tv...is there anything else, he asked? What a good kid! Love him and know that he will succeed in whatever he does. Now, if I could just get his nose out of his smart phone. Honestly, I think he looks at that thing way to much!
My middle child, just graduated from high school and is taking the Fall semester off, and is going to Peru to be a part of a medical missions team! He plans on attending the community college the winter semester. He is planning some other long trips to visit his brother and sister at college. I am happy about that, as I think he will fall in love with that atmosphere and perhaps decide continuing education isn't all that horrid. He is my hands on guy, I am hoping that the Lord will show him what he is good at! Love that boy, he just needs direction, and not from his momma, I've had him the last 18 years!
Fourth child starting High School, crazy! She is a nerd, and will do just fine! Her and her sister are taking most of their core classes at CHESS, which is a co-op of teachers who are certified in the topics they teach and will teach them one day a week, giving them five days of homework! Rebecca thrives in this environment! She is a good kid!
Fifth child entering Middle School, no more elementary kids! Life is full and fast! She will be taking her first classes at CHESS, I hope this will be a positive experience for her as she is one who loves to play. She is a ditto of Caity, though. She is a hard little worker, and so I am counting on that for jr. high.
...how did I go from sleepless nights, due to crying kids, high fevers, etc...etc...to sleepless nights due to thinking about my kids, and what will life look like for them? Heart aches are coming, losses are out there, tears are inevitable, but so is laughter and joy and mercy, which is promised, new, every morning. Lord, I need you more than ever!
My second oldest is about to embark on his first "college campus" experience, even though he is living off campus, it will be the first he was away for college. He went to local community college his first year, then joined the marines, I'm very proud of him and his accomplishments, now he is leaving to attend Penn Tech in Williamsport for Civil engineering! He is all set, bed, desk, tv...is there anything else, he asked? What a good kid! Love him and know that he will succeed in whatever he does. Now, if I could just get his nose out of his smart phone. Honestly, I think he looks at that thing way to much!
My middle child, just graduated from high school and is taking the Fall semester off, and is going to Peru to be a part of a medical missions team! He plans on attending the community college the winter semester. He is planning some other long trips to visit his brother and sister at college. I am happy about that, as I think he will fall in love with that atmosphere and perhaps decide continuing education isn't all that horrid. He is my hands on guy, I am hoping that the Lord will show him what he is good at! Love that boy, he just needs direction, and not from his momma, I've had him the last 18 years!
Fourth child starting High School, crazy! She is a nerd, and will do just fine! Her and her sister are taking most of their core classes at CHESS, which is a co-op of teachers who are certified in the topics they teach and will teach them one day a week, giving them five days of homework! Rebecca thrives in this environment! She is a good kid!
Fifth child entering Middle School, no more elementary kids! Life is full and fast! She will be taking her first classes at CHESS, I hope this will be a positive experience for her as she is one who loves to play. She is a ditto of Caity, though. She is a hard little worker, and so I am counting on that for jr. high.
...how did I go from sleepless nights, due to crying kids, high fevers, etc...etc...to sleepless nights due to thinking about my kids, and what will life look like for them? Heart aches are coming, losses are out there, tears are inevitable, but so is laughter and joy and mercy, which is promised, new, every morning. Lord, I need you more than ever!
I love flour and flowers~
I was given another opportunity to make another wedding cake, something with pinks and purples! Very fun! I really enjoyed this cake! Once again, using our favorite pound cake recipe!
Let them eat cake!
7/18/12
Inspired~
I am excited about the wedding cake that I'm making for this weekend. I am also stepping out of my box and providing a Gluten Free dessert! Pictures to come!
7/17/12
Thirty Years Ago Today~
Thirty years ago today, a tall, thin, handsome blonde, wearing a McDonalds paper chef hat (out of which flared these cute little horns, on either sides of his temple, caused by his sweaty hair), leaned over the front counter, while on his lunch break, and asked me to make him a strawberry sundae, with extra strawberries. As I delivered his hard earned free sundae from working his morning shift, he smiled at me and flared his nostrils, something he did whenever he could make eye contact with me. He would love it when we worked together and I was on front counter and he was on grill, because he would have to yell over the back counter something to the effect of "Burgers up," in order to let the front counter people know to put them in the warmer. Of course when I when walked up to the counter he was just waiting for me to look at him; I would give the usual embarrassed half smile and roll of my eyes.
On this day, July 17, 1982, after receiving his sundae, he asked me if I wanted to go see the new movie E.T, that had just been out only a few weeks. I said yes, and then he asked me for my home phone number (we didn't have cell phones back then), we scrabbled to find something to write with, for some reason we couldn't find anything but a brown crown under the front counter, left over from a small box of crayons that were for Happy Meals. I tore the bottom corner off a tray liner and wrote my number down and handed it to him. He said he would call me when I got my shift, and give me the details of the movie and what time he would pick me up.
We went to the movie theater near the Oxford Valley Mall. I loved the movie, and still remember asking him if my mascara running afterwards. Then we drove to Brothers Pizza in Langhorne, and of course I didn't want to eat in front of him, so I only ordered a Coke, and most of the time I sat with my hands under my legs as I remember that I was afraid my hands would be shaking. He had a slice of pizza and a Mountain Dew. We sat and talked for a long while. I really liked him, he was such a gentlemen. It was a fun night! What a great memory!
On this day, July 17, 1982, after receiving his sundae, he asked me if I wanted to go see the new movie E.T, that had just been out only a few weeks. I said yes, and then he asked me for my home phone number (we didn't have cell phones back then), we scrabbled to find something to write with, for some reason we couldn't find anything but a brown crown under the front counter, left over from a small box of crayons that were for Happy Meals. I tore the bottom corner off a tray liner and wrote my number down and handed it to him. He said he would call me when I got my shift, and give me the details of the movie and what time he would pick me up.
We went to the movie theater near the Oxford Valley Mall. I loved the movie, and still remember asking him if my mascara running afterwards. Then we drove to Brothers Pizza in Langhorne, and of course I didn't want to eat in front of him, so I only ordered a Coke, and most of the time I sat with my hands under my legs as I remember that I was afraid my hands would be shaking. He had a slice of pizza and a Mountain Dew. We sat and talked for a long while. I really liked him, he was such a gentlemen. It was a fun night! What a great memory!
7/16/12
New Look!
There...I like this! I enjoy playing with the colors and backgrounds, its like redecorating!
Ok, so sometime ago I posted that I wanted to get back into painting furniture...that has not happened, I've been way to busy...see previous post. However, I have been collecting some things that I would like to paint, but It looks like I'll need to wait for the fall.
In the Meantime I am trying to de-frag my house! I've started with closets! Next it will be toys!
I have a wedding this weekend where I am making the wedding cake and doing the bridal flowers! I will post pictures when I can.
Ok, so sometime ago I posted that I wanted to get back into painting furniture...that has not happened, I've been way to busy...see previous post. However, I have been collecting some things that I would like to paint, but It looks like I'll need to wait for the fall.
In the Meantime I am trying to de-frag my house! I've started with closets! Next it will be toys!
I have a wedding this weekend where I am making the wedding cake and doing the bridal flowers! I will post pictures when I can.
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