I'm not one to give up...but sometimes I do wander over there.
While I totally understand that the economy is not good, I get so frustrated with the way my husbands job is so affected by it, and even more so due to the unorganized ways of his boss. I don't feel he spends enough time getting onto all the estimates, in turn losses jobs, because there are so many out there under bidding just to get the job. Which of course causes a whole other mess, because then his boss will often get the calls to come "fix" all the unprofessional work. And while that sounds good in one way, the hellish reality is that most times they don't want to pay that much the second time around, and sometime they just don't pay. But, since they need the work, they take the chance. I truly hate the whole stupid cycle. It's been six years now since my husband has been in the construction business, after being let go from almost 25 years in the auto industry and management. He made too much money there and was let go because the over all department wasn't making their projected (conveniently unrealistic) goals. My husband loves his construction job, and while I love that for him...I don't feel it's been the best for our family. He tells me that's "my opinion." ...apparently that doesn't count?
Funny, he is not the one struggling to not be too vain and mad about having to crazy glue two different caps onto my teeth, because I can't afford to have them fixed when the only options are dentures or implants. I'm trying to stick it out as long as I can but when he tells me, "I worry too much about what other people think" I keep reminding him that its "what I think about me that 'worries' me...and I was kinda hoping that he cared about that.
I'm physically and mentally tired. We have some really hard decisions in front of us, and I just want to cry. Yes... I know God is in control, and I truly believe that. I really have been so blessed...on so many levels.
But lately, things have been so tight that we've had to borrow money, to make ends meet, which is the first time we've ever done that in 28 years of marraige. So yeah, the way things are looking I need to get a full time job, and honestly, it's the last thing I want to do... at least while I still have kids at home. I consider being a mom the most important job I have already, especially in times like this. Next to that I love my current "seasonal" Wedding Coordinator/Florist job and enjoy using my skill sets, and talents helping others save and have a beautiful wedding, however, without becoming a workaholic and investing some advertising money, that I don't have, I take them as they come and all word of mouth, which I'm very proud of, but they don't fill the calendar. Which does not help when my husband is out of work. ...another one of those vicious cycles.
If I have to work in addition to all that I already do, I am looking for a job that allows me to get home before my kids from school, but I'm either under or over qualified...really? How does one become overqualified for the types of jobs I'm looking for? Shouldn't you be happy to have someone willing to work?
I am currently looking for jobs that fit some early skill sets that I enjoyed as a young adult, secretarial, office type work, which was before I was a mom and before I stopped being afraid to step out and use the talents I was born to use. Anyway, I've been volunteering at my church's office the last four months to sort of get some of those skills practiced again, just in case I need to do what is starting to look like the inevitable.
Ugh...life stinks right now, yet it really doesn't and I believe with all my heart that its all under God's control! I just need to stop focusing up close and look at the bigger picture, right? Sounds good.
We are never promised a rose Garden, and as much as I'm not feeling like I just want to give up....I'll admit, I do wander over there sometimes.
So all in all this rant is that I am fighting the need to get a full time job which will take me away from my small business, and keep me away from home and my kids more than I care to be. They are growing up so fast, I don't want to miss one minute!
FYI...my husband is not insisting that I get a full time job, although he is certainly not against the idea either. I'm just having a hard time sitting here waiting for a "better job" to just drop from the sky, and just deal with all the frustrations of him not working. He tells me "I have little FAITH." ...perhaps I do, but I'm stuck between "me of little faith" and "reality." And something tells me the Lord doesn't want me stuck there.
Ugly huh? I know, right? ...apparently I need to muster up more faith.
Pray with me, please!
Lord, please help me...I am sure I'm my own worst enemy. I love my family, and I love the way you structured family to work, I love being a woman, a wife, a mother. I want so badly to continue doing what you have called me to do under all three of those titles. Forgive me Lord that my faith is apparently smaller than a mustard seed. Help me to love my husband and to trust him...keep me from the worrying that he will be so foolish and allow the enemy to get a foothold and destroy us.
Take my life and make it yours, Lord. Don't let me get in your way. amen
Read this today on Got Questions.org
Following Jesus is easy when life runs smoothly; our true commitment to Him is revealed during trials. Jesus assured us that trials will come to His followers (John 16:33). Discipleship demands sacrifice, and Jesus never hid that cost.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
If you stumbled upon my ranting and have a thought about where I'm stuck...feel free to give me your opinion.
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